Start a discussion about the millennials with those who are older and you are bound to hear about their sense of entitlement: desire for constant positive feedback, and unwillingness to put time in doing drudgery before moving up in an organization. It is not that the younger generation feel that they are superior. Rather they have a sense that they are equal to the generations that came before them, even though they are still young, inexperienced, and yet to make their mark on the world. Many simply do not view those in authority as any different from themselves.
I see an irony in the older generations looking down on people under thirty four for viewing the world from a flat rather than hierarchical perspective. Back in 1964 when the oldest of the baby boomers were just reaching their twenties, a newspaper writer quoted activist Jack Weinberg as saying “We have a saying in the movement that you can’t trust anybody over 30.”[1] A number of baby boomers took this advice to heart, even though it was intended as a tongue in cheek quote. Within a decade or so, they would beyond the age of being trustworthy according to their own words. Many of us didn’t simply assume we were equal to our elders, we assumed we were better than them.
The sense of entitlement seems to be correlated with youth. No matter how strict a generation is with their young, children as whole lead a more pampered life than adults. Good parents take care of their children’s needs, so believing one is entitled to receive things from others is a hallmark of childhood. It is also an indication of immaturity as one gets older.
What causes people to remain stuck in the belief that are entitled as they become adults? For one thing, growing up with privileges and wealth does. The world of baby boomers was one in which greater abundance seemed normal. We became used to equating what we wanted with what we needed. As research has shown, children coming from families with higher socio-economic status do better in school and business. But this comes at the price of increasing depression and self-destructive behavior among the children of the privileged class as they struggle to develop their own identity.[2]
The world without a hierarchy, in which the elder is no more, or no less entitled than the younger, may actually be an idealistic view. But then idealism is also a characteristic of youth.
When I was growing up there were a few “structured” learning events outside of school. A week of nature day camp in the summer, horse riding instructions, followed by a pony we had to take care of, and piano lessons, which I got after I begged for them. My friends had been showing off playing “Heart and Soul” as a duet on the school piano and it looked like so much fun. Then, there was the sporadic trip to a museum or classical music concert. But most of our “free” time was really free time.
The trend that many talk about is how millennials are remaining with their families longer. According to a recent Pew Report “In 2014, for the first time in more than 130 years, adults ages 18 to 34 were slightly more likely to be living in their parents’ home than they were to be living with a spouse or partner in their own household.”
The national standard of living generally rose along with the national GDP during the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. But not all families amassed more possessions and moved to bigger houses in suburbs as income increased. My own parents remembered the deprivations of the depression, and they wanted to remain living squarely within their means. Also as my dad’s job required him to move every few years, the idea of unpacking a load of unnecessary things into a new house frequently discouraged hording.
One of the particular memories I had as a child was when my parents asked me to select a doll, one that I didn’t mind missing for a while. They were going to pack it in box for the basement. At the time we lived in an older two-story house. Our basement did not have paneled walls or a linoleum floor. In fact I am not even sure it had a concrete floor as it was not the kind of place where I and my siblings ever went to play. I remember going down there once with my mom and seeing the lone bare light bulb hanging from the ceiling.
The cream of the crop students sat in an International Baccalaureate high school history class. They listened attentively to a teacher who had come back from retirement just to teach such a group. Strolling back and forth in front of a map bedecked white board he inquired loudly. “Does anyone know what happened in the United States between 1963 and ‘68? There were a number of good answers that they could have given for the turbulent times of the civil rights movement and Vietnam war that were so influential in the coming of age for many baby boomers. But in 2013, the students just sat there mute.
In 1966 my parents decided it was time to take a grand tour of the country. For three weeks we traveled west of the Mississippi, camping most of the way, hopping from national park to national park (Thank you Teddy Roosevelt, the parks were and still are an excellent idea.). Halfway through the trip we ended up in San Francisco. Dad wanted to see Golden Gate Bridge, Mom wanted to see Fisherman’s Wharf, and I wanted to ride the cable cars up and down the thrillingly steep streets. My older brother, who had just started to high school, wanted to visit Haight-Ashbury.
As the facilitator circled the table asking the typical questions, such as “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?” I felt like I was being a bit oppositional. If I admitted to being born in Indiana, anyone who had even visited the state would ask me about it, and as my parents moved to another state when I was six weeks old and never returned, I was basically clueless about life in Indiana. So I answered “I’m from nowhere,” and explained my dilemma.
Much of what I’ve perused recently on self-awareness tout the benefit of meditation in increasing self-awareness. This has led to a boom in meditation instructors providing both classes and retreats for mastering the techniques. Search for meditation on the internet and you will find hundreds, perhaps thousands of instructors willing to teach this skill for a fee. Many practitioners insist that you cannot learn to meditate properly without this kind of guidance and support, warning that students will not learn to overcome initial pitfalls and move on to a higher level of awareness.
Write about what? 