Emotional control

Posted on October 28, 2015 by knlistman

colorpencil1011-cThe more emotionally intelligent one is the more ability one has to perceive, understand, and manage emotions. Not just one’s own, but other people’s also. Those who possess this kind of intelligence are more able to manipulate others, but their influence doesn’t extend to everyone equally. They most easily manipulate others who also perceive the world in an emotional manner. In other words, those people who have a deep desire to influence, also succumb to the influence of others.

On the other hand, logic-based individuals often strive to be correct and are frequently considered aloof. But this reputation for aloofness may be a result of logical people not being as vocal in our culture. You may have noticed that people who have a technical bent and tend to analyze the world around them and often have friends of a similar ilk. However, the more emotional people express feelings openly and out loud. They also tend to associate with people like them, but their communication is more noticeable and seems more common in our culture than is actually is.

A person who can control emotions may be able to disguise their true feeling and exhibit another, without any appearance of guise. This motivation to control emotions is based on the desire to influence others. However, this influence extends to how people feel rather than what they know or are willing to learn. Jochen Menges led research at the University of Cambridge which showed that people actually remember less of the content of an inspiring speech. They would claimed to recall more of it, but when asked to scrutinize what had been said, they could not remember as much as they could from a more mundane speech.

Watch a room full of empathetic, out-going people and you will find that they start reflecting each other’s actions and speech patterns. Watch closely and you will be able to detect who is the influencer and who are the imitators, because the imitators become less expressive. The imitators seem to follow the lead of the person with the most charisma, while they are actually suppressing their own emotions to fit in. The person who remains skeptical of showing feelings may stand out, but control of emotions does not always have the face of stoicism. It often has the face of someone considered emotionally intelligent.

Art by S.L. Listman

http://www.nuigalway.ie/cisc/documents/cisc_seminar_mkilduff_awestruck.pdf
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EQ versus IQ

Posted on October 21, 2015 by knlistman

jeff 081wEmotional intelligence is touted as the necessary skill to get ahead in the business world. Tech savvy, logical reasoning and high IQ are not enough. These traits/skills cannot propel you to the places you can get if you understand emotions, or rather are adept at swaying others’ emotions so people feel how you want them to feel.

Often leaders in business prefer to be surrounded by teams of people that are emotionally perceptive because they process information in the same way. The skills they prize are those that establish their status. The ability to resolve conflicts, persuade others to take correction and negotiate differences are valuable skills when dealing with people who are constantly comparing themselves to others.

However, before launching into building your E.Q. you might want to examine evidence that emotional intelligence is not added to logical intelligence. Rather these are two different ways of perceiving the signals sent by people around you.  For the emotionally intelligent crowd, good communication does not refer to clear transfer of ideas and concept as much as it does the ability to persuade others to follow your lead, or support your position.

Theories dating back to the Stoics of ancient Greece have pitted emotion against cognition. In most cases these theories were espoused by those that preferred cool headed logic. In that vein, psychologists from universities in Manchester and London, performed an experiment to see if using emotionally charged terms interfered with people’s ability to use logic. Subject were asked make logical inferences on statements that contained neutral words and emotional words. They were more likely to draw valid inferences when dealing with the neutral words and invalid ones when dealing with emotional words. Still researchers tend to find that emotions in moderation may help people make better decisions. After all most decisions deal with other people and are not just exercises in logic written on paper.

http://csjarchive.cogsci.rpi.edu/proceedings/2003/pdfs/49.pdf
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Kind and harsh

Posted on October 7, 2015 by knlistman

cropped-christmas06-collide.jpgTwo research studies on the nature or empathy have caught my attention recently. One has found a genetic basis for empathy or at least the appearance of being kind and friendly. In this experience people watched the interaction of couples who they did not know for a brief period of time and then rated each individual’s empathy. Those with the highest rating for showing that they were able to understand other’s emotions had a statistically higher percentage of particular combination of oxytocin receptors which allowed more of this hormone to enter their nervous system.

The other study showed that people who had higher levels of oxytocin showed tendency to take sides with people in need and while becoming more harsher in their treatment of the person competing with the one in need. The competitor did not have to do anything wrong. Apparently the presence of oxytocin creates an empathy that is one-sided, spurring sympathy for one party and dislike of the other.

Research about oxytocin as a hormone determining level of affection has brought to light its increase as a person takes joy in another’s pain. Evidently increase in oxytocin occurs when a person takes pleasure in some social interaction, not just empathy for others but also Schadenfreude.

This reinforces my suspicion most wonderful new “discoveries” such as a hormone that makes us more loving and affectionate, are actually two-sided. Our tendency is to avoid considering the dark side. We want to bask in our feeling of empathy towards the abused and our hatred of the abuser. However as such we may become willing followers of feed on our empathy coupled with rage. According to columnist Paul Bloom:

“There is a history of this sort of thing. Lynchings in the American South were often sparked by stories of white women who were assaulted by blacks, and anti-Semitic attacks prior to the Holocaust were often motivated by tales of Jews preying on innocent German children. Who isn’t enraged by someone who hurts a child? Similar sentiments are used to start wars. As the U.S. prepared to invade Iraq in 2003, newspapers and the Internet presented lurid tales of the abuses committed by Saddam Hussein and his sons.”

Finally as there is a dark side to empathy, is there a converse bright side to being cold hearted?

Body Language Of Empathy Is Genetically Wired Say Scientists Published: Wednesday 16 November 2011 at 2am PST http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/237743.php
Paul Bloom, September 25, 2015 The Dark Side of Empathyhttp://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2015/09/the-violence-of-empathy/407155/
Shamay-Tsoory SG, Fischer M, Dvash J, Harari H, Perach-Bloom N, Levkovitz Y (Nov 2009). “Intranasal administration of oxytocin increases envy and schadenfreude (gloating)”. Biological Psychiatry 66 (9): 864–70. doi:10.1016/j.biopsych.2009.06.009. PMID 19640508.
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Empathetic words

Posted on September 30, 2015 by knlistman

2011-08-23-008The use of pronouns and other functional words may provide a clue about our social status, our tendency to tell the truth, or how well we perform in academics. However in many circles today the desired characteristic is “emotional intelligence.” What exactly is this? Empathy, or the ability to sense what others are feeling usually ranks high on the lists of characteristics used to describe emotional intelligence. Is it possible to tell how empathetic a person will be by their speech patterns?

In order to find out, it helps to be able to judge the level of empathy in people. Ways of measuring empathy for research include a self-report survey such as the emphatic concern scale of the Interpersonal Reactivity Index developed by M.H. Davis. According to Davis empathy is defined as “reactions of one individual to the observed experiences of another.” It doesn’t measure this trait by how often a person says “Ah, I feel for you.” Rather it is how much an individual agrees or disagrees with statements such as: “I would describe myself as a pretty soft-hearted person.”

Evidently empathy is not shown by uttering certain words as much as body language. Empathy is evidenced by “more head nods, more eye contact, more smiling, more open body posture” according to Aleksandr Kogan, at the University of Toronto at Mississauga. Kogan measured empathy in his research by rating scales used by observers watching touching scenes between couples talking about a painful experience in their life. However Kogan used this research to validate another way to measure empathy – the level of the hormones, oxytocin. Variations in increase in the level of two hormones: oxytocin and vasopressin create the feeling of empathy according to University at Buffalo researchers Michael J. Poulin and Annette E. K. Buffone.

But the action of seeing oneself in another’s position is a two-edged sword. Let us look as one of the statements indicating greater empathy on the Interpersonal Reactivity Index: “When I see someone being taken advantage of, I feel kind of protective towards them.”  The person that you are being protective towards may sense the kindness of your word and actions. However the person that you are protecting them from will sense something more like aggression. The expression of empathy may be shown by two different behaviors. Indeed Poulin and Buffone studies have shown that oxytocin and vasopressin increase both when a person shows greater compassion towards an individual and greater harshness to the individual’s adversary.

What words show a person is empathetic? It depends whether you are the object of their empathy or the brunt of their reaction to empathy for another.

Davis, M. H. (1983). Measuring individual differences in empathy: Evidence for a multidimensional approach. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 44, 113– 126.
Body Language Of Empathy Is Genetically Wired Say Scientists. Published: Wednesday 16 November 2011 at 2am PST http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/237743.php
Compassion for one person may lead to aggression toward another. Published: Sunday 9 November 2014 at 12am PST http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/285095.php?sr
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Wise words

Posted on September 22, 2015 by knlistman

Picture 010a1How does our speech reveal our level of intelligence? A person employing word with more syllables may seem more intelligent, but may not be. People practiced in business presentation learn to use vague multi-syllabic words to sound as if they are making an important pronouncement on a topic. However, if you listen carefully you may uncover that they are frequently reiterating what others before them have said– just replacing “fifty cent” words with their own “five-dollar” versions of the latest catch phrase.

Simple words and phrases such as “but,” “except,” “otherwise,” and “even though,” in speech shows the grasp of nuances. The tendency to use this type of balancing words indicates a comprehension of more complex concepts. Student who say these words more frequently  make better grades.

Types of words used in writing also predict academic achievement. Students in college who use a higher percentage of nouns and lower percentage of verbs and pronouns typically make higher grades. It doesn’t really seem to matter whether they are majoring in liberal arts, science or engineering. The use of a large number of concrete nouns reflects the student’s ability to sort, categorize and be specific about ideas. More pronouns were typically found in narrative or “story-telling” typed of writing.  The use of more concrete terms actually shows higher comprehension than the use of abstract words.

However, don’t take too long wondering how people perceive your intelligence based on your use of conjunctions, nouns, pronouns and verbs. Most people do not catch onto these cues. These relationship of word use to intelligence were discovered by recording a series of snippets of peoples everyday speech or parsing the use of parts of speech in thousands of college essays.

Jessica Wapner, “He Counts Your Words (Even Those Pronouns)”, Biography, New York Times October 13, 2008.
Gareth Cook. The Secret Language Code: Psychologist James Pennebaker reveals the hidden meaning of pronouns, August 16, 2011
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The “I”s do not have it.

Posted on September 15, 2015 by knlistman

15-07-05-Schloß-Caputh-RalfR-N3S_1712People assume that others who often talk about themselves are egotistical.  But, if you really want to find out how people view their own status,  pay attention to pronouns that they use.

There is a reason that kings, queens and various heads of state use “we” rather than “I” because it indicates the power to speak for others. You might run into an ordinary Joe who makes a habit of using the royal “we” such as, “That’s the way we’ve always done it around  here.” That person wants you to believe they speak for the group and have control over others. They are more likely to be egotistical than a person who offers the more humble explanation, “But, that’s the way I’ve always done it.”

You may also recall teachers in school using the patronizing form of “we,” saying such things as “We don’t run in the halls.” This is another way to sound superior. Think about your reaction to the following directives in which the only change is the pronoun:

  • “You raise your hand before your speak.” This is basically saying Do what I command and sounds like a person showing positional power.
  • “We raise our hands before we speak.” This is like saying Child, you should know how to follow the rules. It sound like the speaker is patronizing you.
  • “I raise my hand before I speak.”  This sound like Look at what I am doing voiced by a person who uses “I” to bring attention to their own proper behavior.

That last example actually sounds as if the speaker does not have the authority to enforce the rule. People who use “I” more frequently are typically of lower status. Students use “I” more than teachers, subordinates use “I” with their bosses and women use “I” more than men. Also, depressed people use “I” more frequently.

If you hear the complaint “That person is always saying I, me or my–always talking about themselves,” you should gently remind the person that the use of those pronouns is not a matter of self-focus. A person frequently using “I” indicates a lone opinion, a single voice, and the lack of power to speak for others.

photo of painting “15-07-05-Schloß-Caputh-RalfR-N3S 1712” by Ralf Roletschek
https://hbr.org/2011/12/your-use-of-pronouns-reveals-your-personality
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/you-are-what-you-say/

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Posted in Group psychology, Mental health | 1 Comment

Easily deceived

Posted on September 7, 2015 by knlistman

Hendrick_ter_Brugghen_blame 4Our eyes may deceive us. Two witnesses of the same event rarely, relate tell the same story. On a smaller scale, we often misread words. If two words have a similar spelling, we may read the one that we think should go into a sentence rather than the one that is actually there. Our ears may deceive us. Research has shown that when people listen to a recording in which an occasional syllable is replaced by white noise, they think that they have heard the word they expected to hear. Most people do not even recall that part of the word was replaced with non-phonemic sound. [1]

However, most troubling if that other people deceive us and often we do not catch on to their lies. Despite believing that we can discern when people are lying, most people are not very accurate at this. The typical signs that we look for–eyes shifting, indirect eye contact, fidgeting or a stammer–may simply be evidence of nervousness. The more frequently a person lies, the better they are at looking and sounding confident about what they are saying.

However, no matter how proficient a person becomes constructing a lie, it is still more work than telling the truth. Typically while the mind is working harder, the body is less active. Often, the person who is lying may blink and fidget less than the person who is telling the truth. So you might look for such signs as a person pausing while speaking or appearing to think in between sentences. [2] But then pausing for emphasis is what good speakers are supposed to do.

On the other hand, you might just want to actually listen to the words people say. For example a person who uses “I” more often is more likely to be speaking from experience, and less likely to be intentionally lying. People that are not telling the truth use “we” or no first person noun at all. The equivocator is not likely to respond directly to a question, such as “Did you take my book from the desk?” with a simple “I did not take your book.” This person might respond with “We have not been near your desk.” A person who refers to “they” rather than naming specific names is more likely to conceal what actually occurred.

Negative people use negative words, right? Words like “but,” “no,” “none,” and “never.” Actually people who are more honest use these words much more frequently. People who are unwilling to answer a questions directly with a negation might be attempting to deceive you. Ask an experience equivocator and book thief about stealing your book and the initial response may be “There was a book on your desk?’’ or “What would I do with your book?”[3]

So what do you do if you suspect that someone is lying to you? Looking directly in their eyes really won’t help. You have to make them work harder to keep up the lie. Continue to ask for more specific information on events, or question the person on events out of order. The person who created the fiction must now keep up with the details. However, you, too, have to keep up with the details to identify the contradictions. Remember that exhibition of nervousness under this kind of interrogation is not an admission of lying. You must not be fooled by the calmness of someone who excels at lying.

[1] Cell Press. “Auditory illusion: How our brains can fill in the gaps to create continuous sound.” ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 27 November 2009. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091125134655.htm
[2] Robert Trivers. The Folly of Fools: The Logic of Deceit and Self-Deception in Human Life, 7 January, 2014) http://time.com/77940/detect-lying/
[3] Gareth Cook. The Secret Language Code: Psychologist James Pennebaker reveals the hidden meaning of pronouns, August 16, 2011http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-secret-language-code/

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Failing to allow failure

Posted on August 28, 2015 by knlistman

nineteen graduation (2)At the beginning of my son’s senior year we went on a mad rush of college visits trying to find the most elite school offering a computer science degree where he would actually have a shot at getting accepted. MIT was out of the question.

In his early years of high school my son had pushed himself in some areas, such as progressing to calculus by his sophomore year and skipping the initial computer science class, but he struggled to get good grades in calculus and neglected other areas. Although he managed to make it to the top 10% he was nowhere near the top of his class. However, what caught the attention of some recruiters college recruiters was a computer science student that had been co-president of the debate team.

This occurred almost by accident. While in ninth grade, he was scheduled to attend classes at the senior high school, which was on a trimester schedule. The pre-calculus class was was not offered in the first trimester, so he took speech instead. Disappointingly, he described a class full of unmotivated seniors who loved to goof off and talk, except when it was time to present their speeches. However, the teacher realized this class was a waste of time for the few good students. So she offered my son and three others credit for work with her struggling debate team.

I did not believe this was a good match for a quiet boy who had a hard time expressing himself in front of crowds. My son came home from his first debate feeling like a failure except for a kind note from one of the judges stating that his problem was simply nervousness and he would improve if he kept at it. So, now it was his senior year and he had kept at it, making his mark in improving the high school debate team.

As we went from one college to another, we frequently heard recruiters repeat the riddle of whether it was better to take the on-level class and make an A, or take advanced course and make a B. Their answer was the perfectionist view–take the advance course and make an A. But my son’s unusual combination of competing in computer science meets and in legislative debate was due to the fact that he had tried something he did not do well.

As students advance through the world of academics, too fearful to experiment in areas in which they may not succeed, they will emerge on the other side with one-sided skills. They may be highly proficient in a technical area or excellent communicators, but rare is the individual with both skills. The chance to try something new and fail is also the chance to develop. If we do not allow it in education it is to our own detriment.

 

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Did you actually read what you thought you read?

Posted on August 19, 2015 by knlistman

457px-Théophile_Emmanuel_Duverger_Two_children_reading cThe first few years my daughter was in grade school, she would sit at the table in the breakfast nook and do homework while I prepared dinner. One evening while I stirred cracker crumbs into a meatloaf mix, she sat reading a passage too softly for me to hear. Then she suddenly cried out “They can’t be big and strong! They are dwarf horses.”

That was my cue to subtly look over her shoulder and identify the error. “It says draft not dwarf. Remember those big horses with the hair over their hooves that pulled us around on the wagon ride?” I did not tell her then, but I saw that recognition of conflict with what she thought she read as an accomplishment. Her dyslexia made it necessary to deduce what a sentence said though recognizing a couple of letters in each word. Her mind did not always put the letters in the same order each time she read the same word. So, she had learned to read based mostly on context.

However, context is actually what adults tend to do. Have you seen paragraphs in which interiors of words have scrambled spelling or numbers replace similarly shaped letters? A mature reader can usually find enough clues to surmise the meaning and read these correctly as their brain fills in the gaps for them. However, the longer the words, the harder they are to decipher[1].  Basically this puts the average reader on equal footing with my dyslexic daughter.

What we think we see, is often not what we really see. We learn to process visual information quickly because our brain takes short cuts. Our brains want to make sense of the world and without consciously thinking about it we fill in what is missing based on past experience. The reason visual illusions work is that past experiences shapes our minds so that even when we know something to be true or false, an illusion can force us to experience it the other way.

Unlike my daughter I assume I can read well and just let my mind correct what doesn’t make sense. So what if I am not aware of a misspelled or omitted word. Haven’t I read what the author intended to write? But how often do I actually misread a passage because I am expecting it to say something else?

[1] cwww.mrc-cbu.cam.ac.uk/people/matt.davis/cmabridge/
Art based on painting by Théophile Emmanuel Duverge

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Posted in Education trends, Literature | Tagged | 1 Comment

The mystery behind the motivation to learn

Posted on August 13, 2015 by knlistman

Picture 012a3 No matter how much we describe the function of the brain to illuminate how people learn, the biggest mystery is what causes people to want to learn. Typically when someone dives into why certain people excel at learning they come back up with “intrinsic motivation.” However, this explains nothing as an intrinsic motivation is simply another way of saying a person has as a strong internal drive. What causes this drive?

Let’s step back from the realm of learning to answer this question, “Why are people motivated to do anything?”

Typically it is because:

  • they think they must do it, or they will suffer
  • they believe they will gain from doing it
  • everybody else is doing it, and they want to fit in

Thinking that one must do something is accompanied by threat of loss. For example a man believes he must have a job because otherwise he would suffer due to poverty, or even die of starvation. However, a man may decide he must steal for the same reason.

Believing one will gain something emphasizes working towards a goal more than avoiding a loss. A man may go beyond what is expected of him at work because he believes he can gain a promotion which gives him more money and a higher status. On the other hand the motivation to gain the promotion may lead to him deceiving his boss and backstabbing other employees.

Finally, following what others is both a way of fitting into a group, and away of avoiding ostracism which is basically a combination of avoiding loss and achieving gain. The tricky thing is no clear cut line exists avoiding poverty and gaining wealth in this example. Both motivations may occur at the same time.

Let’s return to the motivation for learning. People learn because they think they have to avoid a failing grade, which might antagonize their parents or prevent them from completing education needed for a job. However if a person learns because of the belief that this will lead to some kind of gain, it really is not intrinsic. Students may study to make the grades to get into an Ivy League college to earn money, or status or feeling of superiority over others. In each case there is an outside motivation.

Steven Reiss, a professor of psychology at Ohio State University, has proposed that there is no such thing as truly intrinsic motivation. This concept has arisen because the goals that motivate students to learn vary widely. One may be motivated to get good grades to please parents, another may be competing with fellow classmates and a third may satisfy curiosity and a need for novelty by learning new things. However, we should not force the idea on educators that all students should be learning to satisfy their curiosity. Some simply do not have the need for novelty that others do.

Finally, consider the people who proudly announce how much they love to learn. This announcement shows that their learning is not just based on an internal drive. A person who learned just for the sake of learning would not find the need to tell anyone else. So I suppose if a truly intrinsically motivated learners actually existed, we would never know who they were.

http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/inmotiv.htm/

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